Success Story: Gayle
I’m Gayle. I am 46 years of age, a recovering anorexic, and since the fall of 2006, an insulin dependent diabetic.
I was anorexic longer than I can remember. I grew up with four siblings, all of whom are over-achievers, and I followed in their footsteps. I wanted to be the very best at everything I did, and with few exceptions I was – including my anorexia. I was the best anorexic I could possibly be, to the point of it almost taking my life.
Years ago I tried to get help. I stayed briefly in the eating disorder unit at the University, but checked myself out after four days. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t belong there. I was over 40 – years-old and mixed in with a gaggle of teenagers. I really felt that my situation was different: somehow I was more in control. That is one of the insidious things about anorexia – you think you’re in control, but of course, it controls you.
Things eventually worsened to the point of crisis, and my husband called the paramedics to take me to the hospital. When they arrived, I believed that I was fine, with the exception of feeling a little tired and run-down. That was my last memory – the paramedics walking up the stairs to our bedroom. I don’t remember the trip to the hospital, or the next few weeks of my life. According to my husband, I argued with the paramedics that I was perfectly fine; but when I realized that they wouldn’t leave without me, I walked into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and walked out with them. That day, September 4, 2006, I was admitted to the University of Alberta Hospital.
While undergoing a myriad of tests in the emergency ward, I was placed in a drug-induced coma, and was transferred to the ICU. Over the next seven days, I suffered a series of hemorrhagic strokes. A CT-scan was taken, and my husband was informed that I had sustained damage to the frontal and left lobes of my brain. Things looked grim: I was either going to die, or if I did survive, would be severely handicapped for life. My husband was instructed to call my family and discuss how to proceed with my care.
My family knew that given the possibility of being severely handicapped, I would not want to live. Following my wishes, the doctors took me off of life support.
I was supposed to stop breathing and die, but somehow I survived the night. I was transferred to the Palliative ward, where the staff were instructed to keep me comfortable, but not to resuscitate me. I developed severe pneumonia on my second day in palliative care, and had stopped breathing when my husband was in the room. He spent many days and nights beside my bed. Then, after hanging on for four days, something miraculous happened - against all odds and my organs slowly started functioning.
After five weeks in a coma, I slowly began to come out of my coma, and then slowly started to talk and finally sit up in a chair for short periods of time. My first experience of walking was after having three people help me walk six very tentative and painful steps. I then progressed to using a walker, and, finally, walking without any assistance at all.
After over four months at the University Hospital I was transferred to the Glenrose Rehabilitation Hospital where I continued my recovery. Six weeks later, I was discharged. What a wonderful feeling that was! I had the freedom to come and go as I pleased! I was very excited to be going home, but also absolutely terrified at the same time. How would I cope with living ‘on the outside’? Would I fall? Would I injure myself? Would I revert back to my old anorexic ways? Would I be able to control my diabetes without the constant supervision of nurses, doctors and endocrinologists, the teams of people that had helped me over the past five months?
There was only one answer to all of these questions. I needed to get stronger and the only way to do that was to start exercising. I had to get healthy for me to be able to cope with this new way of life.
As a diabetic I would have to check my blood sugars and give myself injections of insulin several times a day. Since insulin is a fat builder, the many doses of insulin I received during my hospital treatment had caused me to gain 50 pounds. I needed to learn to achieve and maintain a healthy body weight the right way. Being diabetic, dieting was out of the question – I couldn’t simply cut back on what I ate. I also wouldn’t be able to exercise for hours on end as I always have to be mindful of my blood sugar levels.
It’s strange, but in some ways, the occurrence of diabetes in my life has saved me from my past destructive, anorexic behaviors. I also think the strokes I suffered from somehow ‘re-wired’ my brain. How I viewed life, my mood, my tastes – everything about me changed. It’s funny really, what almost killed me gave me back my life – a life that is full and wonderful. One I never imagined I could have. Anorexia had robbed me of all that, and for far too many years. I was determined to grab life with both hands and hold on tight.
In February of 2007, my husband introduced me to Defining Eve. As I walked through those beautiful red doors, I thought I was going to throw up. I was so nervous, and became even more so as I stood there watching all those women that day. They seemed so strong, fit and capable. I thought to myself ‘what am I doing here? Once again, I had the feeling that I didn’t belong.
I went for an initial meeting and spoke with Alex, and together we determined some realistic goals for me to work towards. I started my exercise program with a Fitness Assessment, and was then introduced to my trainer, Niall, with whom I was to work with twice a week.
Finding out I would be working with a male trainer was terrifying. What would he think of this middle-aged woman who had done such horrid things to herself? Would he judge me? Well, all those thoughts were for naught. My trainer Niall has helped me to change my body in ways I never thought possible. He has become a friend who I’m able to joke with. I am grateful for his persistence, his kindness and all of his unwavering support. Things that seemed impossible to me at one time I can now do with confidence. One of my proudest (albeit most terrifying) accomplishments was learning how to stand and squat on a stability ball, something that I never imagined that I would be able to do. I may not love everything he makes me do (knuckle push-ups from my toes being one of them), but he has a method to his madness that I have learned to appreciate.
I have also taken almost every class offered at the Garneau Studio, even the ones I thought I would never be able to do (or live through for that matter). I started with Mat Pilates Level I in the very beginning and have progressed to the point of comfortably running 5 km and later 10 km!
I know now that physical activity will always be a priority in my life, for both my body and my mind. I feel really good about myself. In spite of my diabetes, I’m stronger and healthier than I’ve ever been in my life and I know I will never go down the old road of unhealthy behavior from years gone by. I eat a healthy diet, am at a healthy weight, and am managing my diabetes well.
I love life. I get such a thrill and sense of accomplishment of being able to do things I never thought I could. Over the course of my almost two and a half years at Defining Eve, I have met some amazing women, many of who will be life-long friends. I have learnt that beauty comes in many shapes and sizes, and that society’s take on beauty – being stick-thin – needs to be changed. Having muscles is beautiful. Strength is beautiful, and now I think I am beautiful too.
The reason I told you my story, which I hid for too many years due to shame and embarrassment, is that I hope each of you who reads this can garner some sense of inspiration and encouragement from my success. I used to fear that mine would be a lifetime of misery, and that I would never like what looked back at me in the mirror. Instead, I worked on building my strength, my endurance and my self esteem to get to the point of liking my body.
Would I have liked to learn all these lessons in an easier way? Absolutely. It has been a long and arduous journey towards a better life. A life that now includes plenty of joy and laughter, things that were hugely lacking before the journey started.
You may not have to overcome the obstacles I did, but no matter what your roadblocks are, I can guarantee you can overcome them with some guidance and support from the right people. The staff and my trainers at Defining Eve are my fitness angels, whom I will always hold dear to my heart. Without whom, I’m not sure I would have accomplished everything I have thus far in my fitness journey (which isn’t over yet – I’m working on those six-pack abs, and am almost there).
So go ahead, take a chance on yourself, and see what obstacles you overcome. Defy the odds, beat down the negative thoughts, and throw out those excuses. You’re beautiful and you’re worth it!
